Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
