apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
