i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
