Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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