You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize