I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
