pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
