Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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