its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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