Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I came so hard my ears popped.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
