what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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