Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
