he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
