I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
