some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
