Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
