Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She's the barista slut.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
