Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
