You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
