One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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