Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
