She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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