I will die if light touches me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
