Just fell off a train. Bad.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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