I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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