Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
her facebook's as public as her vagina
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize