she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
