How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
