She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
