I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
