69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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