Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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