Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
