i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize