i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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