sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
