You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
