Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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