I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
