theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this boner is exhausting
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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