my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
