I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize