Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
