wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
