i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
