So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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