Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
