note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
