I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
