IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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