wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wear drunk well.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize