I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
