She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
