Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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