he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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