You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
