I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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