Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
