I think my fart just growled at me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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