my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
