you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize