i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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