"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Less talking, more tequila
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
