I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
