I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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