he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
