She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
