my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
