remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
