The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize