At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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