You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
