i was born a porn star she said
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
