I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
