the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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