why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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