she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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