Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
