in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
