A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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